The Insecure Teenager: Am I one of those guys who compensate for a small amount of talent with a huge ego? You know, like those imams who don’t know anything, whose fallacious arguments sway the weak but have no effect on the strong.
The Washed-up Failure: Being funny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. One can be funny without necessarily being admired. Furthermore, one cannot be funny all the time, unless one is a clown.
The Self-diagnosing Psychiatrist: I don’t know how to use illusions because I think that people will look through it immediately. It probably goes back to the conviction I have that other people know the same amount or more than me. Thus, I am let down easily, which makes me irate.
The Humble Pie-eater: I never realised I am actually pretty close-minded. It’s down to this innate inability to see things from the other person’s point of view. I used to think I was actually open-minded. But I guess I still have a long way to go.
The Egocentric: I’ve picked up this bad habit of demeaning other people in my head in order that we are more equal. If someone is very obviously more awesome than I am, and I can’t find anything at fault with him to level the playing field, I get depressed easily.
The Humble Pie-eater: What I should have done is not to bring him down to my level, but to rise up to meet his. I thought I already was doing that, but I’m actually not.
The Washed-up Failure: These bad habits are really hard to shake off.
The Humble Pie-eater: Living away from God, I’ve tried living in sin, but as far as I’m concerned I was always too chicken to do the really bad things like sex and drugs. Instead, I’ve been committing the sin of idleness, wallowing in the sin of pride, giving free reign to the sin of lust in my head, and I did not even realise it.
The Scientific Analyst: I think I see a cycle emerging. I always seem to be doing fine up until I fuck up or lose something of worth, and then my pride gets taken down a notch, I start from zero again. Intriguingly, I am happier and generally less irritated at life after going through one of these events.
All together: Is there any way to break this cycle?
The Egocentric: Or really, are the sins of pride, lust and idleness really sins? All men need to have self-worth. All men want to procreate. All men want to get the most out of life with the least amount of effort. Does this apply to the other sins as well? All men want to have possessions (avarice). All men want more than they need (greed). All men get angry sometimes(anger).
The Lazy Surfer Dude: Not quite. I don’t really want more than creature comforts. I don’t like getting angry. Well, if only half the sins apply to me, that could mean that other people find greed and avarice a problem whereas they don’t really care about sex, or power.
The Lateral Thinker: On being desperately unhappy… I never thought about it, but what if those imams are really rather desperately unhappy people?
The Humble Pie-eater: Now I know why I am so stuck up. Whatever talent I have (or had) I attributed it to myself, not to God. Thus, I grew a big head. Well, since God isn’t around any more, who do I attribute it to?
The Lateral-Thinker: On the other hand, maybe talent is to be used, not hoarded.
The Self-diagnosing Psychiatrist: I confess to having a hoarding mentality as well. Oh dear. Is this what they call avarice?
The Humble-pie eater: Maybe I should read the bible more often. Just so that the parables are more ingrained into my head.
The Scientific Analyst: The conclusions I came to about 3 years ago, that human nature is innately selfish, is false. It was a sweeping generalisation that I thought summed up the world perfectly. But the world is a lot more complicated than I thought.
The Self-Diagnosing Psychiatrist: Why did I think that at the time? I guess it stemmed from the conviction that aliens would probably think us humans as too simple-minded. I always found the thought annoying yet probably true. I always wanted to be one of those all-knowing aliens.
The Egocentric: I have always found it annoying when someone says something is complex. No, actually, I feel like saying to him, it is not objectively complex. You just think it is complex because you’re just a simple, dumb human being.
The Scientific Analyst: Maybe all the conclusions I made about the human race were merely conclusions about myself. I’ve always thought that humans were:
a)Dumb
b)Gullible
c)Fueled by subconscious desires
d)Instinctive
e)Easily swayed
f)Look to peers for support
g)Conservative
h)Close-minded
But maybe they’re all facets of myself, projected onto other people.
The Insecure Teenager: To be honest, I can already see myself in all of these, and hate myself for it.
The Egocentric: I thought I was above all these things.
The Lateral Thinker: But maybe to be truly above all these things you have to be completely ignorant of them. And by that point, what’s the point?
The Scientific Analyst: By the way, the reason why I thought I was a funny guy is because I was in some funny situations, and telling it to other people, I attributed their laughter to my amazing stand-up skills, when actually it was the strength of the joke or situation that was really funny, despite my poor handling of expressing it.
All together: What now?
thetoiletbowldiaries 